Vice Presidents and personnel directors of the one hundred largest corporations were asked to describe their most unusual experience interviewing prospective employees.

• A job applicant challenged the interviewer to an arm wrestle.
• Interviewee wore a Walkman, explaining that she could listen to the interviewer and the music at the same time.
• Candidate fell and broke arm during interview.
• Candidate announced she hadn’t had lunch and proceeded to eat a hamburger and french fries in the interviewers office.
• Candidate explained that her long-term goals was to replace the interviewer. Continue reading Unusual Interviews – Funny

1. A NUMBER OF DIFFERENT APPROACHES ARE BEING TRIED – We are still pissing in the wind.
2. EXTENSIVE REPORT IS BEING PREPARED ON A FRESH APPROACH TO THE PROBLEM – We just hired three kids fresh out of college.
3. CLOSE PROJECT COORDINATION – We know who to blame
4. MAJOR TECHNOLOGICAL BREAKTHROUGH – It works OK, but looks very hi-tech.
5. CUSTOMER SATISFACTION IS DELIVERED ASSURED – We are so far behind schedule the customer is happy to get it delivered.
6. PRELIMINARY OPERATIONAL TESTS WERE INCONCLUSIVE – The darn thing
   blew up when we threw the switch. Continue reading Management Terminology – Funny (But so true)

BLAMESTORMING: Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.

SEAGULL MANAGER: A manager, who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and then leaves.

ASSMOSIS: The process by which some people seem to absorb success and advancement by kissing up to the boss rather than working hard.

SALMON DAY: The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die in the end.

CUBE FARM: An office filled with cubicles.

PRAIRIE DOGGING: When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and people’s heads pop up over the walls to see what’s going on.

MOUSE POTATO: The on-line, wired generation’s answer to the couch potato.

SITCOMS: Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage. What yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids.

STRESS PUPPY: A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiney.

SWIPEOUT: An ATM or credit card that has been rendered useless because the magnetic strip is worn away from extensive use.

XEROX SUBSIDY: Euphemism for swiping free photocopies from one’s work place

IRRITAINMENT: Entertainment and media spectacles that are annoying but you find yourself unable to stop watching them. The O.J. trials were a prime example.

PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE: The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again.

ADMINISPHERE: The rarefied organizational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the adminisphere are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve

404: Someone who’s clueless. From the World Wide Web error message “404 Not Found,” meaning that the requested document could not be located

GENERICA: Features of the American landscape that are exactly the same no matter where one is, such as fast food joints, strip malls, subdivisions.

OHNOSECOND: That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you’ve just made a BIG mistake

WOOFYS: Well Off Older Folks.

CROP DUSTING: Surreptitiously farting while passing thru a cube farm, then enjoying the sounds of dismay and disgust.

Many thanks to the Recruiters Network for this submission?

• Never give me work in the morning. Always wait until 4:00 and then bring it to me. The challenge of a deadline is refreshing.
• If it’s really a “rush job,” run in and interrupt me every ten minutes to inquire how it’s going. That helps.
• Always leave without telling anyone where you’re going. It gives me a chance to be creative when someone asks where you are.
• If my arms are full of papers, boxes, books, or supplies, don’t open the door for me. I need to learn how to function as a paraplegic and opening doors is good training.
• If you give me more than one job to do, don’t tell me which is the priority. Let me guess.
• Do your best to keep me late. I like the office and really have nowhere to go or anything to do.
• If a job I do pleases you, keep it a secret. Leaks like that could cost me a promotion.
• If you don’t like my work, tell everyone. I like my name to be popular in conversation.
• If you have special instructions for a job, don’t write them down. In fact, save them until the job is almost done.
• Never introduce me to the people you’re with. When you refer to them later, my shrewd deductions will identify them.
• Be nice to me only when the job I’m doing for you could really change your life.
• Tell me all your little problems. No one else has any and it’s nice to know someone is less fortunate.

Have a great weekend.

www.virtualjobcoach.com